Love and Cancer (An Incurable Disease)

 

One stick of cigarette that makes me calm every time I’m being pressured. One barrel of beer makes my body calmed, when the tension seems to arise. One false moved and comment, makes a forever seems nothing to hold on.

It started with a smile, at first it seems nothing to me. Her beautiful, elegant and innocent smile makes me calm. As the day passed by, that smile makes my day, almost every day. Her seductive eyes always look everything at its right place. And those eyes make me fall in a deep hole, a hole I called “Love.” No one knows what’s within me or what my intentions are; for her, it was only I knows. Until it came one time, I couldn’t bear to withstand it anymore. I couldn’t control myself, I got mad easily, and being moody was beyond my control and many times I like to be alone. I only have a limited time, but I don’t have the courage to show her, to let her know what I feel. The only thing I want to do is to make her smile, be comfortable with me, to have a single memorable conversation about anything under the sun.

I guess I’m like a falling Samurai, absorbed by an enchanted Geisha. Up to the last minute, all she knows was I like her. I want to tell her about my feelings, but I guess now is not the time, even tomorrow, the next day or the other day. I deserve every little thing that happens to me. No one could understand me nor try to understand me. I wish I was brave enough to keep it. Everything I am hoping for.

She's like stick of cigarette. The more I take, the more I keep calmed. Every stick I take, I feel the essence of life. They keep on telling me that, cigarette is bad for my health, but if every stick will be like her, I would rather die to taste it than living a simple life, without a vise, without her. If loving her would be a cancer that will ruin my lungs, I would be glad to accept my fate...to die because of that love.

Her voice makes a silent sanctuary, a heaven with no boundaries. Her picturesque body always leaves a marked in my mind. Her tender laughs keeps echoing in my ear, like a music that I loved to hear. Her loving caress was a proof that makes me believe that she’s real. Her passionate stare makes my world shake. Lastly I love the way she respects me...

I can feel the gap of walls beside me. Walls that I alone had created, a wall consists of my damn useless and immature moves. No one could ever destroy it. I was destined to be alone. If someone will try to destroy the walls I have created, they will need a lot of courage and love, hard work and perseverance and most of all, patience.

If she had the courage to do it for me, I will never hesitate to do the same. If she is brave enough to destroy my protective shell, I will let her know that it’s all worth a try. I needed someone who in return will also need me... For now, I’ll just keep it to myself... but I am hoping and praying that someone will know what I feel...